Finding myself in the story...

While I would say that I'm interested in genealogy, I've never been too interested in reading generation after generation of lineage. In my experience few places give you that "opportunity" but the Bible is one of them.

The book of Matthew begins with a long list of genealogy. Matthew wrote to a Jewish audience. I know that. I also know that genealogy was incredibly important to said audience. (Plus, it is interesting to see, in the lineage the Bible provides, how Jesus is tied both to Abraham (Jewish patriarch) and to Adam (humanity).)

So as I sat in a Bible study this week I wondered what conversation would spark as we read and discussed the genealogy of Jesus. I wouldn't have guessed that I would find myself in such a lively discussion or as part of the story...

Something interesting about Matthew's record is that it includes (which is culturally atypical, if not unheard of) women. And not just any women: some women of scandal (Tamar & Rahab) and someone who wasn't even Jewish (Ruth). Perhaps this is just one more way in which God shows his kingdom is for everyone. Everyone is invited; anyone can join.

We asked how Jesus' family history might have affected him - both his view of himself (anything here?) but also others view of him. There were some great people and not so great people. There were men who "did evil in the sight of the Lord" and men who guided the people in righteousness. Perhaps King David "struck a balance" - his life has some pretty high highs and some very low lows. Nonetheless, with the aforementioned women included, God wrote his redemption story. And that is where Jesus' story once again became my own.

You see, we asked these questions not just of Jesus but of ourselves. How does your lineage shape your view or others' views of you?

I thought about my limited knowledge of my own family history. On one hand, I am thankful for the Christian tradition in which I was raised... I'm thankful for the way my grandparents loved and served God and their family and the way that continued with my parents and even continues today with the next generation. Sometimes love and tradition give us roots to help us find our wings; I'm thankful for that. Those things had to become my own, but I'm thankful for the foundation I was given.

But there's another side to the story. Sometimes when I think about my family history I don't get very far. My mom's brother died before I was born and I wasn't around her side of the family much growing up. Now I have contact with a few family members on that side (whom I adore) but, with the exception of my grandparents, I didn't think much about that side of the family; I didn't know them. Additionally, my grandma died when I was young and I only have a few memories of her. Grandpa, on the other hand, lived with us off and on until he died in our home early in my adolescence. There are still moments when I find myself missing him to the point of tears.

Still something else threw me: my mom was adopted. (There isn't much family medical history to fill out when you don't know anything about the biological side of things.) And that, more specifically, is where I found myself in the story. Words from Kay Warren (wife of pastor and author Rick Warren) helped me to articulate it. I find myself in God's redemption story in that God's plan for kids is family and my mom has a family; she had wonderful parents and, from what I understand, a brother who wasn't too bad either. ;)

Another comment drove the point even deeper: we've all been adopted. In Ephesians 1 Paul uses that very language. Telling us that through Christ, God adopted us. When you're adopted, what's left to say? Welcome to the family; you are part of the greatest story ever told.

Big Problem = Great News

My pastor (Philip) has hit the big times - getting quoted on the blog 2 times in one week! :) (2 times in 2 days!)

In our home groups we just started a new series "Wunder Jesu" or "Jesus' miracles". (The groups listen to a 10-12 audio teaching w/ an outline and then discuss, that all of course takes place after we eat.)

We started last night with Jesus feeding the 5000. Maybe on of my friends in the group said it best, "Jesus just has a fancy for foolishness." Philip began by pointing out that their is only one thing necessary to qualify you for a miracle. When you look through the scriptures what did everyone who experienced a miracle have in common? Yes, sure, some of them prayed and some had faith but not all of them. They all had a problem. So, if you have a problem (I think I've shared this before)I have good news for you. A small problem means you need a small miracle but a big problem? Well, that calls for a big miracle.

While I like that the story, found in John 6, tells us that everyone ate and was satisfied, I think what I really like is that the little boy (with his 5 small loaves of bread and 2 small fishes) gave all he had. It wasn't much, but he offered it and with it God did more than anyone could have ever dreamed. He could have split it with Jesus, 50/50, "You get a fish and 2.5 loaves and I'll take the same", but he didn't; he gave it all.

Philip closed the lesson by saying (roughly translated) that our world is hungry for a number of things. When we fully offer our lives and what we have, he can multiply it and satisfy a hungry world.

What are you holding on to? Maybe its fear, hate, or unforgiveness. Jesus can take that and satisfy you. Maybe its hopes, dreams, friendship, or just a small lunch. Jesus can take it and make it more than enough to satisfy you and the world around you. What will you offer him today?

Vacuuming the kingdom of God

"Frank" has been a part of our church basically since the beginning; he's not the model parishioner. He often comes early, meanders around a bit and then sits. We say that he's the only one who is allowed to sleep during our services, as he often does, particularly in the cold months. Frank is homeless and an alcoholic. He's been aggressive more than once and I'm not sure which other drugs he uses or the diagnoses (or extent) of his mental health.

I get impatient for transformation. It's true for my own life and also for Frank's. Then I am reminded that it has taken years for him to get to this point and I don't know what abuse, situations, or circumstances contributed to who he is now. I am also reminded that the destination is the journey, that we work out our salvation, and that some things are a process.

While I believe that everyone has value, I realized that I didn't actually believe that everyone has purpose (Forgive me, Lord).

Frank wandered in more than half an hour before the start of the event last night. He was more of "sound mind" than I ever remember seeing him. Everyone there was busy setting up and taking care of various preparations for the evening. Banners were being hung, tables decorated, tech tested, and the floor was getting some needed vacuuming. I think everyone was busy taking care of one thing or another with a few other things still left to do.

When Frank walked in, he was promptly greeted but also handed the vacuum and instructed where to go. He finished the first area and moved to the other end of the room where he not only generally vacuumed, but removed the big head so he could stick the nozzle right by the wall to clean the edges. I was shocked and maybe amazed. It was the first time I'd ever seen him do anything that added value, anything that gave him purpose.

As I was chatting about this with a friend today, she commented on how none of us are meant to be wet blankets - they aren't good for anything. Sometimes we feel like like them, but that's not what we were created for. (And, to take the analogy further, wet blankets piled up just get moldy which brings a new set of problems.) Frank isn't meant to be a wet blanket either.

I was writing a letter this weekend in which I expressed how much and some of the specific reasons why I love the kingdom of God. One of the main reasons is that everyone is invited; anyone can participate. Very early in his ministry Jesus gave us the Sermon on the Mount. In it he invited all those who were down and out to be a part of the kingdom: the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, and, not those who have already attained it, but rather those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. The list goes on. (Side note: the people Jesus didn't have much patience for were the "religious" - some of whom were placing rules and burdens on others that they themselves couldn't live up to.) Everyone is invited and anyone can participate in the in-breaking kingdom.

I'm invited. I can participate in the kingdom that has come, though not yet in its fullness. You, you're invited too, you can help bring heaven to earth. The down, the out, the marginalized, the sick, the poor, anyone who is mourning loss: we're all invited. We can enter into a story bigger than ourselves; we can find healing, embrace community and transformation, and participate in the biggest and best story of all time: God's story. It is one of restoration and redemption. We can, even in the simplest of acts, enter this story. This weekend I saw someone engage it with a vacuum...

Thoughts from the Weekend (pace yourself :)

1. On Life Together
Here on the blog I often quote the speakers that I listen to most but don't know if I've ever quoted my own pastor. Maybe that's because he mostly speaks in German. :) Tonight, as he explained our church's mission/structure, he said in a single sentence something that, if we truly grasped it, I believe would change the way we think about life, church, and evangelism. He said (translated), "Jesus never invited anyone to church; he invited people to community."

Mother Teresa said that the worst kind of poverty is loneliness. While "church" as an event has a place in our lives, the Church, community - living Christ, should be our lives.

My pastor recently made the observation that there was a time in which the Church had authority - to speak truth into peoples live. As it became institutionalized, it lost its influence but had power. (Might we say oppression?) Today it seems that the Church, too often, lacks a lot more than just authority or power and some even question if it has anything at all. I can only echo the dream of my pastor, a dream for which we pray and labor, that once again the Church will have authority.

People aren't looking for more rules to govern their lives (and even if they are, that's probably not what they need). People aren't looking for something that can bring them down, life provides plenty of that on its own. People are looking for friendship, meaningful conversation, and the opportunity to really share life together and to come alive (to be truly human). And, based on the book of Acts that is part of being the Church.

As Louie Giglio says, "Christ didn't come to make bad people good; he came to make dead people alive." We are looking for life; Christ brought it; we can embrace and share it.

2. On Failure
As I continue to prepare (and gear up) for the Catalyst conference in October (Whoo!), I'm listening to old (but new to me) Catalyst podcasts. Most recently I heard an interview with Mike Huckabee. The former governor of Arkansas (a State I called "home" for awhile. :) What an interesting life story he has! His thoughts on failure were particularly challenging:

...I think if a person has not experienced failure, they've set goals that are embarrassingly low. If everything you've ever touch is successful than you haven't touched very many things above yourself. Part of the experience of being a human being is the experience of reaching far beyond your capacity and knowing that you may fail the first 100 times you attempt it....To achieve something significant, one has to be willing to have many disappointments, many moments of feeling utterly frustrated, but the greatest joys that come from being on top of a mountain are only appreciated when you've been in the lowest of the valleys.

...Life is filled with disappointments...I never want to go back through them, but I learned more from defeat than I ever did from victory. Victory is the easiest thing that one experiences. It's when you can dust yourself off from defeat that you know that you're on the right course. When you can play the game as well as you know to play it, as hard as you can, and you still lose but your willing to get up and say, "I'll go again tomorrow. Next time I'm going to do it better. Next time I'm going to win." Then you know that what you're doing is for the right reason. If you get defeated and the first reaction is, "hey, I'm never going to do that again,"then you probably shouldn't have done it in the first place.

3. On Living in the Tension (Living a Life of Faith)
Now there's something I don't enjoy: tension. And yet we are called to live in it daily. This weekend I talked with a pastor-friend of mine about some of questions and frustrations I have with my life. I think about God's charge to us to care for the widows, orphans, aliens, marginalized, and I look at how I spend my life; it causes tension.

Maybe that's all part of the trampoline of life. We must have springs that anchor us but those springs are the very thing that enable us to bounce, and fly. You don't jump around the edges of the trampoline; you jump in the middle. It is when you are in the middle - balanced between the tensions that you can soar the highest; it's the most fun. Admittedly it is the most scary too.

My friend gave a different example. He talked about the idea of 3 concentric circles. The innermost would be labeled "comfort zone", the middle "faith zone", and outer-most "lunatic" or something to that effect. He talked about our propensity toward living in the comfort zone. Even if we do step out, we are very naturally drawn back there. We must fight against it; we must live in the tension.

As I thought about his example, I was able to better express my feelings and situation. As we step into (and stay) in the faith zone, our comfort zone expands to those places. We take steps of faith; God (once again) proves his faithfulness. Our questions (ability, resources, finances, etc) are answered and it's comfortable.

I stepped out of the comfort zone to participate in a particular area of ministry nearly a year ago and somewhere along the way it became comfortable. Now, when other people come alongside to help, I am able to related to them but also show them that it's not so scary. When we delve further into God's story (and our own humanity) we not only show others how to do the same but we can actually invite people to something bigger than themselves. We come more alive. Did I mention that Christ came to make dead people alive?

...and the final thought I'll share with you (in this post) from this weekend is:

4. Celebrate the Small Things
When children are small we celebrate and encourage them (and rightly so :) even in the smallest things. It helps build their confidence. When they say "please" and "thank you" we express our praise for and appreciation of them using their manners. When they color a picture of who-knows-what we praise their creativity and proudly display their artwork. And when they go "pooh-pooh" or "pee-pee on the potty" we give them a sticker or a skittle and brag about them to other people. I go on the potty, all by myself, and wash my hands without being told, every day, no one congratulates me!

Now, please don't misunderstand me or congratulate me on those "accomplishments". All I'm saying is, maybe it's time we help build the confidence of those around us. When we see people trying, when they make improvements or do a good job, let's tell them. We should let them know we appreciate them or are proud of them. Whether it be a perfect stranger (remember that waitress you tipped extra just to extend some grace?), a co-worker, or a friend. Let's encourage and support the step we see them taking. And, let's even take time to praise God and celebrate the improvements in our own lives. ...Those skittles sound pretty good, I think I'll go have one...

Blessed are those who Mourn

I've been listening to Erwin McManus' podcasts on the Sermon on the Mount. Wow. Jesus' way was radical, revolutionary, and... real. I have some thoughts to share, but while those are mulling around my mind, I wanted to share the end of Erwin's message with you. Let it soak in. (emphasis, mine) :)

...Do not forsake your humanity. Do not be afraid to risk in love. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. For those who are willing to risk deeply in love and mourn when it is lost will be the healers of those who mourn.

(Paraphrased) Maybe you're here and you've been experiencing loss. Maybe someone you love has died, or maybe it is a dream or relationship that has died. It could be that your just afraid

and your mourning the loss of your own life because you know that somehow each moment is a loss to you. Because you don't know the life you are suppose to live. I want to welcome you then to the kingdom of Jesus because if you've ever experienced the pain of loss; if you've ever been overwhelmed at grief; if you've ever known sorrow; if you've ever been in mourning then Jesus says "welcome". "You are welcome here." And you will find comfort in him.

And maybe you are here and you have allowed your heart to become so hardened, callous, empty. You've been afraid to risk. Maybe you've been afraid to trust God with your life because you've been so let down so many times by people, religion and the wounds are so deep that you've been afraid to risk.

You know the moment you shut that down, you allowed part of yourself to die. And see Jesus wants you to know that if you would risk yourself in love that even the pain would be worth the risk. 'Cause you will find a beautiful life in the midst of that pain. And finally, once again, you will be truly alive.

The Kite and the String-Keeper

Visionaries: Can't live with them, can't live without them! :)

I recently spoke with a friend of mine; he's a dreamer. As he informed me about his latest round of plans and ever-increasing desire to get out of his current town, I thought of Joshua. Over and over the Lord commanded him to be strong and courageous. It was time to enter the Promised Land and he would lead them. I suggested that perhaps God is calling my friend to do the same, especially as it seems that his "next plans" always include further education (leading to a career). Perhaps this is his Promised Land or at least another step he needs to take to get to it. He seemed to think that perhaps I wasn't far off. (Good job, God!)

He went on to talk a little bit about his propensity to do a lot of dreaming...and well, do little more. After reminding him that we all have to take things step-by-step and piece-by-piece and that those steps and pieces are necessary to get to the dream, I reminded him that sometimes we need people who will kick our butts. Visionaries and dreamers especially need this.

The thing is…

Visionaries are like kites so, more than butt-kickers, what they need is are string-keepers. These are people who help rein them in without grounding them. They give the visionaries enough room to dream but not so much that things will be a huge mess if they fall. While they have been accused more than once of being more like jailers, a fairer term might be to say they are realistic, reasonable. These are also the people who help keep things moving, see them on to completion while the kite is off on it’s next adventure.

So, kites, you need string keepers – they’ll help bring your visions to life. String-keepers, find a good kite – they’ll give you something worth working for – and help keep your spirit dreaming.

Judas: His Story, My Story

Judas. Now there’s a guy who get a bad rap and understandably so, but I recently gained some new perspective on him, and on me.

A friend of mine brought up the fact that although Judas was around Jesus and around the kingdom of God he never really embraced it. Yes, he’d seen blind men receive their sight, lame men walk and dead people brought back to life but it seems that, aside from accepting Christ first invitation to follow him, Judas didn’t step into the story.

She (my friend) went on and talked about how all along his journey, he had the opportunity to step into the story of God yet he didn’t. He sold out for basically 4 months worth of a labor’s salary, or was it more? Now, you may be thinking, that’s not really a new perspective on Judas but as she continued explaining I began to verbalize and decipher this for myself.

Judas had been living this disciple lifestyle with Jesus for 3 years by that point. He’d been with Jesus but he’d also been sent out with nothing more than the sandals on his feet and tunic on his back. He was instructed not to take any money or anything else along.

I don’t know with whom he was sent out but I wonder if there were personality conflicts. When Jesus sent them out 2 by 2, did they pick their travel buddy or did he pair them up? I wonder if Judas was ever paired with John, the self-proclaimed beloved. Did he ever think, “Oh great, stuck with the cocky kid again!”? Was he ever put off by Thomas or Matthew, appalled or disgusted by their past as tax collectors?
Now I could relate a little bit more to this, but still, I didn’t see where I was in his story. And then I did.

(*Note, Luke 22 tells us that Satan entered him, that is not to be discredited, but nonetheless, I believe there is more to learn).
This was a guy, just a guy, who had at least been pretending to live a life of faith. I wonder if he just got tired of not having something tangible to hold, to touch, to look at. There are a lot of thing about Judas’s life and role that I don’t understand and that I don’t particularly relate to. Simultaneously, I confess that I have unbelief in my life. There are times when I don’t act like I trust God. There are times when I am tempted to trade in a life (or piece of my life) of faith for what feels secure – for something palpable. There are times when I give into that temptation.

While there are days when I am very aware of God’s provision, blessing, goodness, faithfulness, grace, and mercy poured out over my life, there are also days when I wish I had something tangible to hold on to, something more to call my own. At first Judas’s 30 silver coins don’t sound like much, but maybe when he looked at his worn sandals, his outdated tunic, and the empty money bag on his belt, four months of someone else salary sounded pretty good.

Based on what the Bible says about the rest of Judas’s life, I don’t think it took him long to realize that the trade he made was not what he thought or expected. Maybe this kingdom he’d heard Christ talked about eluded him. Nonetheless, he gave up the greatest – Christ, participation in the kingdom – for something tangible that, in the end, he couldn’t stand to look at or touch, much less enjoy.

He is no fool he gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.
~ Jim Elliot

Her Story is My Story

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, who agonize to taste of this righteousness.” Thanks, Erwin.

I recently heard the story of abandoned children in Zambia who have known hunger and starvation. After being taken into orphanages and fed, they surprisingly don’t go to sleep easily. I thought it is perhaps because their little swollen bellies are in pain as they feel a brand new feeling – food, not emptiness. But it isn’t because of something in their bellies; it’s because of something in their mind.
They are afraid, even terrified, to go to sleep for fear that there won’t be food there tomorrow. The workers there began putting pieces of bread in their hands so they could go to sleep at night, which gave them the promise of something to eat the next morning.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about trusting God and his provision. I struggle to differentiate between faith and foolishness. I want to trust God to provide day by day but I also want to be wise with what he’s given me today so I will have tomorrow. I have a friend who also struggles with this.

As she and I talked I remembered hearing about these Zambian children. She wasn’t abandoned. She hasn’t known real hunger, much less starvation. She’s never been without shoes, clothes, or shelter, yet she still feels the need to stockpile, to hoard, and to hold on. “What if…?” sits in the back of her mind. She must be prepared. We both confess our lack of faith.

Sometimes she can’t go to sleep because she doesn’t know (trust) that there will be some tomorrow. As we journey along, I’m so thankful for a patient God who put bread in our hand last night so we could sleep even though there was plenty for today. A God who, as we lay our heads to rest, tucks a piece of bread in our hand so that we can sleep tonight even though he already has provisions for tomorrow. A God who will continue to tuck a piece of bread in our hands, who will show his faithfulness moment by moment and day after day, until we trust him enough to go to sleep “empty handed”.

Embracing Forgiveness; Embracing Healing

I’ve never been the type of girl who really kept track of my weight, sometimes my pants were a bit looser than they probably should have been, and sometimes tighter. I just put them on and went on my merry way. Then times came when I lost weight; often I didn’t even notice it or pay attention until someone commented on it. It happened last night…”Are you loosing weight? Have you been running, walking, working out?” “Uh…no, not really.” And I think about how my pants fit or look in the mirror and don’t feel or see any change.

I think even when people intentionally loose weight it’s hard for them to see the change. We know it to be true of people with eating disorders. They may barely qualify as a skeleton but they look in the mirror and see themselves as fat. While others see only skin and bones, they just see fat.

I was talking with a friend recently about how we are often that way with healing and forgiveness. Christ has clothed us in garments of white, of righteousness; he has taken away our filthy rags, our heaviness, despair, and the ashes on our head and given us garments of praise, and a crown of beauty. God looks at us through Christ and sees us – forgiven and restored unto right relationship with him yet when we look in the mirror, we still see the rags we used to wear.

I was also thinking about it like this: I’m a girl who likes to always have a pen with me, normally in my purse. I know I have a pen; I always have a pen, except for those times lately when I didn't. In the same way, I think sometimes we are so used to carrying around our sin, shame, and pain that we are “sure its here somewhere”. We’ve always carried it with us and so we carry our bags like their heavy, even though Christ lifted our burden. He said, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” He wasn’t lying.

So, take a look around, look in the mirror just one more time. God doesn't see the filth; he sees a white garment. He has called you daughter; he has called you son. Check for the "pen in your purse". It's not there? It is as far as the east is from the west. It's on the depths of the ocean floor, and in case you can't read the sign, it says, "NO FISHING ALLOWED".

Our God is a good God; he knows how to give good gifts. And nothing, I'll say it again, nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord: neither death nor life, present nor future, past, shame, doubt, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation.

(References: Isaiah 61:3, Matthew 7:10-12, Romans 8:38-49, and a short story by Corrie ten Boom)
(Also let the record show that I’m thankful that most of the people around me don't feel the need to comment during my times of upward weight flux. ☺)