Judas: His Story, My Story

Judas. Now there’s a guy who get a bad rap and understandably so, but I recently gained some new perspective on him, and on me.

A friend of mine brought up the fact that although Judas was around Jesus and around the kingdom of God he never really embraced it. Yes, he’d seen blind men receive their sight, lame men walk and dead people brought back to life but it seems that, aside from accepting Christ first invitation to follow him, Judas didn’t step into the story.

She (my friend) went on and talked about how all along his journey, he had the opportunity to step into the story of God yet he didn’t. He sold out for basically 4 months worth of a labor’s salary, or was it more? Now, you may be thinking, that’s not really a new perspective on Judas but as she continued explaining I began to verbalize and decipher this for myself.

Judas had been living this disciple lifestyle with Jesus for 3 years by that point. He’d been with Jesus but he’d also been sent out with nothing more than the sandals on his feet and tunic on his back. He was instructed not to take any money or anything else along.

I don’t know with whom he was sent out but I wonder if there were personality conflicts. When Jesus sent them out 2 by 2, did they pick their travel buddy or did he pair them up? I wonder if Judas was ever paired with John, the self-proclaimed beloved. Did he ever think, “Oh great, stuck with the cocky kid again!”? Was he ever put off by Thomas or Matthew, appalled or disgusted by their past as tax collectors?
Now I could relate a little bit more to this, but still, I didn’t see where I was in his story. And then I did.

(*Note, Luke 22 tells us that Satan entered him, that is not to be discredited, but nonetheless, I believe there is more to learn).
This was a guy, just a guy, who had at least been pretending to live a life of faith. I wonder if he just got tired of not having something tangible to hold, to touch, to look at. There are a lot of thing about Judas’s life and role that I don’t understand and that I don’t particularly relate to. Simultaneously, I confess that I have unbelief in my life. There are times when I don’t act like I trust God. There are times when I am tempted to trade in a life (or piece of my life) of faith for what feels secure – for something palpable. There are times when I give into that temptation.

While there are days when I am very aware of God’s provision, blessing, goodness, faithfulness, grace, and mercy poured out over my life, there are also days when I wish I had something tangible to hold on to, something more to call my own. At first Judas’s 30 silver coins don’t sound like much, but maybe when he looked at his worn sandals, his outdated tunic, and the empty money bag on his belt, four months of someone else salary sounded pretty good.

Based on what the Bible says about the rest of Judas’s life, I don’t think it took him long to realize that the trade he made was not what he thought or expected. Maybe this kingdom he’d heard Christ talked about eluded him. Nonetheless, he gave up the greatest – Christ, participation in the kingdom – for something tangible that, in the end, he couldn’t stand to look at or touch, much less enjoy.

He is no fool he gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.
~ Jim Elliot