Ice Cream & Questions about Love

Let me just begin by saying that I don’t fancy myself a romantic. I guess that makes me a realist. Regardless, I’ve been drawn to asking questions about love, marriage, and the idea of “a lifetime together”. I don’t really get how it works. While I want to get to know Love himself more, I also have a desire to understand how that plays out in relationships – romantic and otherwise. I watch my married friends and wonder.

I felt like I gained some small yet significant insight into the subject a couple of year ago through Rob Bell’s book Sex God. (It’s probably not what you are thinking and it is totally worth the read.) Still I continue to watch and wonder and question (some of which I occasionally give voice to but mostly it just keeps bouncing around a specific 3 pounds of gray matter).

My weekly trips to the nursing home have also given me insight to this topic. One of the women in the dementia ward, though still quite physically able, is gone in her mind. At times she appears to be speaking full sentences that in reality are incoherent babbling. I imagine she was a very kind, fun woman. Perhaps a baker or stay at home mother. Week after week her husband is there. At times she is calm; she sits and eats and meticulously rolls and folds her bib and stacks her place setting. Other times she is energetic and likes to move and walk around and still other times she adds to that energy a special feistiness. I watch him love her.

He still talks to her like she fully understands and can respond though he doesn’t seem caught in the illusion that she will get better. He simply loves her, offers to take walks with her, invites her to sit and enjoy her meal. He strokes her head and face and takes her by the hand.

A few weeks ago we saw them out on the street as we were going to help. She was strapped into a wheelchair and he was sitting next to her on a short wall next to the sidewalk. He held an ice cream cone and a spoon. As we walked we watched him share (and feed her) ice cream. It was so sweet. (For the record, yes, that is something I’m sure I too would like, even if my mind goes – ice cream and chocolate.)He was so gentle. (Did I mention I’m not a romantic? Maybe it’s in there somewhere, or maybe – just maybe- there is some romanticism in reality. ;) He still refers to her as “Mein Shatz” (my treasure, sweetheart) and chuckles to himself when she’s being absurd and feisty. He looks out for her and is kind to those around him.

Sometimes I’m still not quite sure what love is or how it works – particularly in the romantic sense, but I am pretty sure that if I find it for myself, or if it finds me, a small piece of it will look like walks and ice cream.