Grace & The Thing About Relationships...

<< warning: it's as wordy as ever...but just as intentionally as ever, if that makes a difference.>>

I don't have a lot of wisdom, I know, but here's something that has come up multiple times in the last few weeks and I think its good and applicable so listen up! :)

Relationships are hard sometimes. I think we can all admit that. For a long time I thought that a lot of problems in our relationships had to do with poor communication or lack of communication. While I still believe that is still often true, I realized something else.

After recently talking about conflict in our homegroups, daily working with a team, and well, life in general, I put words to it recently - about the fact that relationships are hard because sometimes feelings are just hurt - its not that there is a moral issue, or even that someone did something wrong; things can be done with the right heart and without any malicious intent whatsoever, but still hurt our feelings. We'd rather believe or blame those bad things than just admit our feelings are hurt because that seems silly somehow.

It is difficult to admit that our feelings are hurt and it is difficult to swallow when we hurt someone else's feelings. We don't know how to respond. It is easy to blame, justify, or recount our hurt feelings. Perhaps in those moments we are called to (humble ourselves and simply) apologize.

I have come to see things in my own life, and in others, in which reasons and explanations make all the sense in the world. Sometimes they are what's best or necessary while other times they are simply a response, for instance, to get the job done. They help me to understand but they don't take away the hurt.

Again, that's where forgiveness comes in. I believe it is important to communicate those hurts and frustrations (in appropriate ways and places), don't misunderstand me. But I have to choose to forgive and also to move on. I choose to trust my friends and their hearts toward me. I look at my life and see an abundance of grace that God has poured out and I think, "I can pour some of that out too."

I want to be a vessel of God's grace. I want to pour it out in others' lives because it has been so generously and abundantly poured out in my own.

How can you extend grace today? Maybe it looks like tipping the waitress a little bit more, even though your cup wasn't always full or the service was less than stellar. Maybe it's giving a gift to someone who could use but by no means deserves it - gift cards are great after all. Maybe its withholding judgment or extending patience to someone impatient. Perhaps its extending kindness and generosity toward someone who has burned their bridges, including the one that led to you. Or maybe its finally acting on any number of those good intentions you have, even to go out of your way, to write a note, make a phone call, get involved, sponsor a child, or volunteer.

I don't know what it looks like for you, wherever you may be, but I challenge you to allow God to open your eyes to the grace he's extended to you and ask him for courage to extend it to others.

Another from the fine folks at Nooma (specifically Rob Bell)

"Success can be dangerous, can't it? We get everything we wanted only to discover we are missing something that we had before. ...This is ultimately about the far larger truth that if we don't each find some suffering and do something about it, we may become miserable."
-Nooma Corner|023 Rob Bell

Ice Cream & Questions about Love

Let me just begin by saying that I don’t fancy myself a romantic. I guess that makes me a realist. Regardless, I’ve been drawn to asking questions about love, marriage, and the idea of “a lifetime together”. I don’t really get how it works. While I want to get to know Love himself more, I also have a desire to understand how that plays out in relationships – romantic and otherwise. I watch my married friends and wonder.

I felt like I gained some small yet significant insight into the subject a couple of year ago through Rob Bell’s book Sex God. (It’s probably not what you are thinking and it is totally worth the read.) Still I continue to watch and wonder and question (some of which I occasionally give voice to but mostly it just keeps bouncing around a specific 3 pounds of gray matter).

My weekly trips to the nursing home have also given me insight to this topic. One of the women in the dementia ward, though still quite physically able, is gone in her mind. At times she appears to be speaking full sentences that in reality are incoherent babbling. I imagine she was a very kind, fun woman. Perhaps a baker or stay at home mother. Week after week her husband is there. At times she is calm; she sits and eats and meticulously rolls and folds her bib and stacks her place setting. Other times she is energetic and likes to move and walk around and still other times she adds to that energy a special feistiness. I watch him love her.

He still talks to her like she fully understands and can respond though he doesn’t seem caught in the illusion that she will get better. He simply loves her, offers to take walks with her, invites her to sit and enjoy her meal. He strokes her head and face and takes her by the hand.

A few weeks ago we saw them out on the street as we were going to help. She was strapped into a wheelchair and he was sitting next to her on a short wall next to the sidewalk. He held an ice cream cone and a spoon. As we walked we watched him share (and feed her) ice cream. It was so sweet. (For the record, yes, that is something I’m sure I too would like, even if my mind goes – ice cream and chocolate.)He was so gentle. (Did I mention I’m not a romantic? Maybe it’s in there somewhere, or maybe – just maybe- there is some romanticism in reality. ;) He still refers to her as “Mein Shatz” (my treasure, sweetheart) and chuckles to himself when she’s being absurd and feisty. He looks out for her and is kind to those around him.

Sometimes I’m still not quite sure what love is or how it works – particularly in the romantic sense, but I am pretty sure that if I find it for myself, or if it finds me, a small piece of it will look like walks and ice cream.

James 1:27

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, “Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.” Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.
~ A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God (Camp Hill, PA: Wingspread 2007).

Though I know very little of A.W. Tozer and have read only quotes and short passages from him, these words which I read (in Crazy Love) over a week ago continue to resonate in my heart.

As I seek to know and see and love God more I can’t help but be reminded of the truths of scripture – truths that often echo in my mind in the voice of Bono (http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2006-02-02-bono-transcript_x.htm - transcript -or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUdrYDk8rVA for the video).
I am reminded that, as James 1:27 says, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world,” or as Bono says, “…But the one thing we can all agree, all faiths and ideologies, is that God is with the vulnerable and poor… and God is with us if we are with them…”

I go to a nursing home once a week to help feed dinner to the folks in the dementia ward. I have volunteered in nursing homes before but this is a whole new experience; there are times when I am painfully aware that some of these precious people are in their last days and instances when it seems their last moments. As we talked about it at dinner tonight, I explained that there are times when I humbly beg God not to let them die in that moment, as I sit beside them, hold their hand, rub their back, feed them dinner. Other times I simply ask for the grace and mental stability to handle it if it does happen.

Someone then posed the question: wouldn’t I want Jesus to be there with them when they died? Paul did write, after all, Christ in us, the hope of glory. Incarnational living… we are with God when we are with the poor, the brokenhearted, the widow, and the orphan and Christ is in us. That’s a lot of Jesus. I need a lot of Jesus.

I often think about these things as I sit with the people at the nursing home but it seemed to hit even closer today. You see, after helping 2 women with their dinner (one whom I get to serve regularly) I went to get one of my friends. She’d gone to feed and be with the woman with whom she usually serves in her room as she couldn't come to dinner. Today was not a good day for her. She seems to be knocking on death's door. Though I know it will make my heart ache, there are times when I wonder why and how they fight and struggle to stay alive as their quality of life diminishes.

So I walked in and was informed that she wasn’t doing so well, nor was her roommate who wouldn’t eat anything. Traditionally I am “afraid” of the roommate. She has this mix between a glare and blank stare. There are times when I’ve felt like her eyes are fixed upon me and I wonder why. I can't escape it. Today those stares would be clouded over with tears.

I entered the room and walked over to her bad after alerting my friend of the time (we had a bus to catch) and greeting her patient. My friend pointed out pictures hanging in the room which brought up some questions but were also informative. On the wall above the roommate's bed there was a picture with her and 3 girlfriends. There was also a picture of someone that we assumed was her daughter and son-in-law along with a crayon picture with a note “Dear Omi, I hope you get better soon…” Some of her family now lives in the States. As we looked I touched her arm and then her face.

She closed her eyes as if she was just soaking it in. Research shows that babies’ need physical touch for development and survival but the reality is, I don’t think that need goes away. I stroked her face for a few minutes and than began to sing until I couldn’t. Sometimes tears have a way of preventing notes and words from coming out. I stood over her bed, over her, singing as I could, and crying. It started with “Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side” and quickly moved to “beauty for ashes, a garment of praise for my heaviness…” As I sang the latter, in particular, I claimed those words for her – that she would be dressed in robes of righteousness; that she would trade her dementia, despair, loneliness, and pain for the presence of God in its fullness. And in the mean time, we both got to experience the presence of God in part.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor 13:12-13)

Project:Camp : A Monster of Our Own Making

One year ago today (12 July) was the beginning of Project:Camp. It's basically taken me this long to be at a place where I can really talk about it. A few months back I wrote, "Some pieces of that summer are still a blur. That makes sense as so many of them were a blur even at the time. Other pieces I remember with striking clarity, heartache and happiness alike."

At this point a year ago we were 6 weeks into cleaning, renovating and preparing an old hotel in addition to many last minute preparations for the 70 American and 30 German participants that joined us for 12 days as the kick-off to our church plant. At least by that point we owned the hotel, unlike the first couple of weeks of renovation! (Renovating by faith we liked to call it.) We had been up more than half the night before finalizing transportation for those flying in that day - there was a tentative plan in place but we scratched that for what we decided was a simpler and more practical plan.

The late night was the norm by that point; there were lots of very short nights of sleep, perhaps "naps" would be a more appropriate term. We neither had experience renovating or planning such a large (not to mention international) event. Those six weeks were hectic to say the least. By the time Project: Camp arrived our lives were... well take exhaustion in it fullest form - physical (think sleep deprivation), mental, emotional, etc and add to it spiritual warfare and you have a glimpse into our lives. Satan was mad; he had reason to be.

In many ways it turned out to be a wonderful project. God REALLY helped us and blessed us. We "joke" sometimes that he just felt sorry for us, seeing that we were doing more than all we could, and just interceded for us. But really, he did intercede, both in seen and unseen ways. His mercy and grace was poured over our lives and the project in abundance, blinding (thankfully) many people around us to the pain, difficulties and intense spiritual battles we found ourselves in the midst of. Jesus did say he would build his Church.

The 6 weeks leading up to camp (more to come on the events that kick-started those 6 weeks) and the 2 weeks of camp (12 days) were a full summer. We said that Project:Camp was a monster of our own making. It looked so good, so simple, on paper: Grow, Bless, Reach.

We spent the mornings in a full group session with one of our keynote speakers (a great line up which changed daily) preceded by a time of worship through music and followed by seminars with those same speakers. From there we went immediately to lunch and there to the afternoon "Bless" projects: various projects meant to bless the city in practical ways. These groups included an environmental group that picked up trash and helped clean out a local pond (yuck), a team that baked and distributed cookies etc. to civil servants, and various team around the city handing out bottles of water and fair trade bananas and coffee (we also wanted to "bless the world").

The groups that were lucky got a little down time between the afternoon activity and the evening activity: First Supper. We had a large tent set up near the center of town, right by the river and next to city hall. There was live music, a tasty meal (I can't express how great our volunteers and campers were!!!), and a short evangelistic message.

Our goal was to make contacts as we began our church: KiA, or Church in Action. Again I say, God blessed and helped us. We will officially celebrate our birthday in 3 weeks. We have a handful of people who have come into membership in just the last couple of weeks and have 4-5 homegroups that are going strong. Additionally we have several impact groups (service group) and we normally have around 50 people in attendance at our KiA Events. Numbers matter - not for the sake of numbers - but because each number represents a person and people matter to God.

Of course, like any church we've had our ups and down. People come and go but there is a core group and new people continue to come. We have learned a lot of lessons, we could write a book about how NOT to plant a church but simultaneously how God continues to build his Church and bring his kingdom - particularly to Mainz, Germany.

Of course, there is much more to be told, but again, that is for another time.

+ Ca-razy Love + Chapter 1 +

After hearing great things about a talk Francis Chan gave at Catalyst nearly 2 years ago and then about his book, I've been waiting for quite a time it seems to read it. A few months back we had a visitor who gave a small group lesson from the book. I was challenged from the very beginning. Now, though I've just made it past the first chapter - I'm inspired and challenged again. The book is called Crazy Love and while I hope these thoughts make you ponder, I'd suggest to get a greater grasp, you just read a copy for yourself.

So chapter one, here we go:

Man, there is SO much good stuff in here, from Chan himself but also from others who have gone on before us.

Early in the chapter he quotes R.C. Sproul with something that struck the same chord in me as the quote which inspired the name of this blog. Sproul writes "Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God."

Thankfully there was a large open space in which I could continue this thought, specifically in regards to sin, with a statement from Louie Giglio, "Sin has a way of shrinking God down in our own minds and puffing ourselves up in our own estimation - but just a glance into the universe that God has made re-sizes everything in a heartbeat.

Just a few pages later Chan shares wisdom from A.W. Tozer, who writes, "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."

That's a pretty big statement, especially for a culture in which people are often defined by job, income, social status, opinion on this topic or that, religion, skin-color, and any other number of things. Nonetheless, could it be true?

Tozer later continues, "Worship is pure or base as the worshiper entertains high or low thoughts of God. For this reason the gravest question before the Church is always God Himself, and the most portentous fact about any man is not what he at any given time may say or do, but what he in his deep heart conceives God to be like."

Chan uses this opportunity to expound on some of the characteristics of God. I invite you to ponder...

God is holy: Isn't it a comfort to worship a God we cannot exaggerate?

God is eternal: Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are a capable of comprehending.

God is all knowing: He knows us deeply and specifically.

God is all powerful: After raising a number of questions about the way things are (questions which are asked every day- why do I have this body type?, why all the suffering - or suffering at all?, why make the whole universe - full of planets without life?) he made a statement that almost stopped me in my tracks, I breathed an "amen" and asked God for grace and courage (emphasis mine):
[God] has more of a right to ask us why so many people are starving. As much as we want God to explain himself to us, His creation, we are in no place to demand that He give an account to us. ...Can you worship a God who isn't obligated to explain His actions to you?

So, perhaps the appropriate way to end this post is the same way Chan both began and ended the first chapter - "by standing in awed silence before a mighty, fearsome God, whose tremendous worth becomes even more apparent as we see our own puny selves in comparison."

Rack, Shack, & Benny

We were sitting at dinner tonight and I taught one of our summer interns to signal left hand turns in conversation. Later she took advantage of it and turned our conversation to "those three guys in the Bible" which someone else as the table quickly identified as Shadrack, Meshack, and Abendigo. The questioner went on to explain that she can never remember their names. Even in that moment she couldn't repeat it back to us. I told her that she hasn't watched enough Veggietales.

Later something came up about my room (that is perpetually messy - not dirty - but messy) and how I get to go shopping for shelves and other organizational stuff (whoo). I affectionately referred to it as a crap-shack. I'd no more than said it than our friend's memory improved, "Crap-shack, Meshack, and Abendigo." Well, step-by-step anyway.