Going Home (Scattered Ramblings)

I am down to my last, oh basically, 36 hours in Germany. It's hard to believe I have been here for more than 10 months. There is this strange way in which it seems that long, if not longer. At the same time it doesn't seem like so long since my mom has been here. Life seems "normal" and home not so very far away.

Before I left the States I was listening to Carrie Underwood's Some Hearts cd like crazy. One line says, "...and just like every Sunday, I called Mama up last night, and even when it's not, I tell her every things alright" and a few lines later "Yeah, I still feel like I'm where I'm suppose to be, don't forget to remember me..."

I had more than a few moments when I feared that might be the case for me. Not at all that my folks would forget me :) but that I might have to stretch through "every thing being alright." As life and my venture here would have it, I actually just ended up on the phone with them BAWLING a few times. Things worked out just fine though. (And I still frequently listen to that cd :)

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I'm going home for a very short 6 weeks, in which time I will make my way to 4 states to see as many friends and family members as I can. I will also engage in a few speaking arrangements spreading the word about Project Noah and my involvement in it. It will mark not only my homecoming but also my departure as I will return to Germany in early October.


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Terror and excitement top the list of emotions regarding my return. Most of the fear has subsided but it creeps up a little still on some occasions. I'm not ready for the re-entry stage of culture shock. For weeks, off and on this summer, I would find myself having conversations with people in my head explaining why or what (irrelevant) I needed something. They always started "Ich war in Deutschland..." and go on for a few sentences. I was explaining myself in German!

I will be in a land where not only people will speak my native tongue, but they will speak it natively too (and NOT speak German most likely). Then another realization came: THEY DO NOT/ WILL NOT CARE!

I've been trying to prep myself/work on not connecting everything back to Germany. Although it has been my life for the last 10+ months, it is not by any means the sum total.

I haven't done any reading on re-entry shock, however I had a prep talk or two with someone who is familiar with it (he prepped me:). Those of us in the Engedi house also had a few conversations about it. They are all home and I haven't heard any horror stories yet. :)

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For a long time I couldn't see the changes that had occurred in me. I figured I had changed some but I could not, by any means, put my finger on how. I chatted a little bit with one or two people and they, especially not knowing me prior to this experience, didn't do much to peg any changes either.

I was talking with a friend (in the States) a couple of weeks ago and shared with her my apprehension. Specifically my anxiety about the discovery of changes I would (will) make only after returning to the States. Her comment back - fully true and a mix of both comforting and scary- I will find that I am not the only one who has changed. Life goes on. We keep moving forward - together or apart. Weird.

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All in all I am mostly SUPER excited to be returning to the states. I sent home a list of things I want to eat while I'm at home in addition to the list of restaurants I plan to visit. :) I journaled about some of the things I have especially missed in the states (by far the emphasis is not on food, but people) as well as some of the things I will miss about life here.

There are very, very few things that I will miss for the short 6 weeks. Leaving for good will be an altogether different story. For now, I'm ready to go home.

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Extra blessing:
I found out just yesterday that my mom and I will be sharing our plane not only with a lot of strangers but also a dear friend, who is like a little brother to me. He is making his way home from a couple of weeks in the country of Georgia. His flight plans were changed a couple of times but the final has us together. Funny but true AND awesome!

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That will probably be it from this side of the pond for now. I may write some in the states and will definitely come back upon my return to Germany. Thank you to those who have visit me here and also to those who have prayed me through the ups and downs of the past "year."

I hope I get to see you on that side of the pond...very soon!